I’ve always been a writer. Not a professional one by any means of the imagination, but someone who at the very least finds peace and clarity by writing out my thoughts. So, you can imagine how I’ve felt the past few weeks with a million thoughts bouncing around in my head, a feeling of discord, and no way to write it out. Sometimes things take awhile. They need to gestate. ☾
Which is a wonderful segue into what I feel has been sitting on my back since January. I have been so pressed (read it, PRESSED) and consumed with the pursuit of almost academic level understanding of feminine energy and the maternal energy. What that incarnation looks like, from Mary Magdalene to Saraswati to Guan Yin. What form does this take in all of our lives, from start to finish? ☾
I’ve been terrified to admit for years (until about a year ago) how much I wanted to be a mother at the right time in my life, due to a lot of complications in my early 20s. After tackling the internalization of that and the many emotional and chakra blocks regarding, I had dusted that away from the frontal lobe of my consciousness. I wasn’t as worried about it, I knew it was part of my destiny and I fully accepted it. So WHY have I been so obsessed with the maternal energy recently? ☾
I finally realized that for me, in my life (which may not be the case for everyone) there’s more steps that need to be taken. I need to be taking much better care of my health (again, read: complications in my early 20s) and make this an active part of my external expression. This can’t just be a mental game, as the balance of who we are contains the balance of the mental, the physical, and the spiritual. ☾
I tore through two separate textbooks on ayurveda this week. I’ve combed through every part of my routine and my diet and found what has needed to change. For me, I’m at a point where this encompasses so much more than “Oh, someday, I want to be a mom,” as it’s made up of several of the most vulnerable parts of me. ☾ Am I feeling 100%? No. But, as soon as I can compile written word on what I’m feeling, I’m infinitely closer.